A Thought..on Marriage

Marriage is one fragile topic to take up for discussion or practice, and yes, I haven't graduated even after going through it myself - can't corroborate as to whether it is THE most important thing for women, but I have a theory. For a girl, being married and not being married bring exactly the same quanta of happiness and/or unhappiness but under different heads - not an ounce less, not an ounce more.

Why do we want to get married ? After one degree of maturity of mind, to me marriage seeps down to 2 main reasons - to extend a family, going through the unexplained joy of creating and growing a tiny hope ! The second reason for marriage is the lonelisness & lack of companionship in the old age - when your parents are no more, your friends are scattered you-dont-know-where and your relatives are out of sight.

Maugham once remarked through one of his characters - marriage is the best profession for women. But that is really a very different perspective from the one we cultivate today. There is this element of insecurity and vulnerability of course, but with the current generation of women, it is solely at the emotional corner of mind - marriage is not a shortcut to a safe ongoing source of money.

Taking the financial necessity out of it, let us look at what remains of a marriage. Well, we cannot deny that unlike earlier times, when a women comprised of a body and a heart, women of our times have a mind too. She needs all three - physical, emotional AND cerebral stimulation from her environment - in varying degrees, but the last often takes a predominating frontseat.

Now this being the case, given the exposure available to them, marriage really loses some, if not a lot, of its earlier significance and relevance. That is precisely why I notice, even among my immediate friends, coming from middle class bengali families like mine, there is an increasing comfort with the idea of staying single. She can work alone, think and grow alone and also has friends at different proximities to give her companionship and emotive support and mental stimuli. So, instead of being an obvious course of life, marriage is an option for her - something she will first weigh and measure and match with her temperament and then decide upon.

At a personal level, marriage happened to me because I consciously never allowed myself to churn it in my head - I made constant, honest and alert efforts never to brainstorm and weigh the pros and cons and aftermath and probable effects and defects of marriage like I do before all other rational decisions of my life - perhaps the reason why I ended up doing it so smoothly !!!

I just looked at one wonderful person who had been my best friend for 6 years and at that moment , looked particularly sweet and honest, and I went for it without allowing my mind to question the sanctity and limitations of this institution ! THAT is the rule - keep your fondly fostered and matured intellect out of this social labyrinth called marriage - else you'll never make it to the wedding day !!!

Marriage isn't bad - but the best way to handle it is not to expect it to be too good, either :o)


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